GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I haven’t written in ages. Somedays I try but feel like I’ve almost forgotten how. Lately though, I’m feeling some new-found determination to get myself back in the game of life (at least where writing is concerned). I sat the bench for a minute. I’ve needed a breather – some much-needed downtime. And while my body has been having quite the restful few months, my mind seems to be at racing levels. Nothing that some Wellbutrin hasn’t helped, truth be told. But fellow over-thinkers, isn’t it exhausting?! The past year or so has been quite an interesting one for me personally. Maybe some of you can relate to what I’m about to attempt to describe.
Total chaos and confusion.
Yep. That about sums it up.
I feel like for the majority of my life, traumas included, I’ve had a pretty good grasp on my surroundings, my mission, my spirituality, my purpose, my facial elasticity, and my health (both physical and mental). But for about a good year now, so many of those things seem questionable. So many things are changing and I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t even told!! And that is why I’m here today – to shed some light on the dark places of what we like to call MIDLIFE.
People always prepare you for all the crap you can easily figure out in life – how to boil water when you get married, how to save money, how to burp a baby, what to do when you start your period…
But where were all the women shouting from the rooftops preparing me for when my jowls and neck started sagging?
When my testosterone tanked…
When my son left home…
When I experienced job burn-out…
When I needed to set boundaries…
When I lost grown-up friendships…
When I lost my hair…
When I lost my mind and my bandwidth…
Why did no one tell me that one day I would start missing periods and not know month-to-month if I’m pregnant or in menopause?
Maybe you were there.
Maybe all the videos I needed were on that thing called TikTok and all the books were on my Audible app.
Maybe I never wanted to know.
Maybe I thought I was invincible and that age and hormones and a lack of mental fortitude wouldn’t get to me.
I was wrong.
Finding my place as a mid-40’s woman has been a challenge. I’ve been thinking all these years that I was 32, but I looked at some photos I had taken last week and thought, “Who is THAT 48 year old lady?” If I’m being completely honest, the boat started rocking for me when my oldest left home a few years ago. It’s been a slow spiral ever since. It seems like hormonal imbalance, empty nest syndrome, questioning my religion and not knowing my purpose in life has been that toxic cocktail of change I never wanted to try.
It seemed to have all hit at once – that Mac truck of change, nay, instability.
The tears, the rage…the tears.
Are you still here? Is just reading this giving you anxiety?
Tell me you get it, women over 40…
I think I hit a point where I just got tired. I’ve needed my Granny but in 2019 she left this earth on a high note – happy as a clam, drinking coffee in a hospital room that she thought was her house. Luckily, she left behind her own writings where she poured out her middle-aged heart on paper about her own troubles and anxiety as she aged. She was not exempt. None of us are.
I guess I’m finally just coming to terms with the fact that life ain’t easy – that seasons change.
Elasticity changes.
Jobs change.
Hormones change.
Friendships change.
Minds change.
I guess these transitions are inevitable.
I guess I’m finally coming to terms with it …CHANGE.
The fact that I poured my life into my kids and now they don’t need me like they used to.
I poured myself into my comedy but I’m ready to do something different for awhile.
I guess I’m finding that I don’t have the answers or the control (or the collagen) that I used to.
I’m finding that the God I serve isn’t nearly as scary or concerned with my perfection as I once thought He was – that He’s much more concerned with how I love and treat people and much less about my stake-in-the-ground, die-on-a-hill religious dogmas and opinions.
Midlife can be hard, but not admitting I’m in it has been harder. Acknowledgement brings some relief. Leaning back and going with the flow, admitting that I’m in a strange new season is honest and brave and maybe that’s what I want all the “younguns” to know…
When it’s your turn, relax. (I wish I would’ve done it sooner.)
When you get here, be all here.
Reinvent yourself.
Change careers.
Change churches.
Change your style.
Rock that paper-thin skin.
Be open to new friendships.
Set boundaries.
Cut your hair.
Date the young guy 😉
Get divorced.
Get remarried.
….OR DON’T
Cry until you laugh because your hormones are raging like you’re 13 again.
Don’t be ashamed to take medication.
Know that your grown kids still love you and that the fact that they don’t need you like they used to means you raised capable human beings. Well done, you!
Take the trips.
Make the move.
Change your mind.
Love yourself.
Be happy.
And know this – not having all the answers IS the answer.
Enjoy the change and roll with the punches.
Midlife is not a crisis.
It’s clarification.
It’s a clearing – a removal of “old” things to make way for the new.
Mid-life is liberation and license to live.
Deliverance but without the banjos.
A field with no fence.
It’s privilege. Independence. Spontaneity.
Exoneration. Because nobody gets away with saying and doing what they want quite like a woman over 40.
So embrace it with me, will you?
Live and love your mid-life, ole gal.
Cause it’s just that – MID. It ain’t over yet.
Let’s go show ‘em how it’s done. 💪🏻
HEATHER LAND 
i have certainly wondered where you have been. Your 72 yr old friend
LikeLiked by 1 person
Holy cow! You just described so much of what I’ve been feeling the past couple years. (I take Wellbutrin too now)
Add to your list
Thinking you raised kids to make good decisions, then they don’t. Trying to understand and figure that out. Did we fail as parents? Or are they just making adult decisions?
Learning to let them fly and learn on their own.
Can you say holy anxiety 😥
Tammy Runge
Tammy@rungeequipment.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love and appreciate your honesty! I am not ashamed to admit, I thought my life was useless when my boys left home! I was sad, anxious, mad! But nothing that Zoloft and a few new pets, couldn’t handle! As I sit here and relate to everything you wrote, like it was written for me, I realize how lucky I am that I was able to raise wonderful men. I am here for a purpose! I am blessed to be a monitor on a special needs bus! I get to love on so many little humans that I don’t even feel like I’m turning 54 on the 20th. Thank you for making me feel NORMAL, whatever that is.😝 Miss Mindy
LikeLiked by 1 person
I sure do miss your comedy!!! Mid life here! I will be 54 in June. It seems so weird. I find myself looking at pix and picking out all my lines and wrinkles. I don’t wanna look old. By golly as long as there’s botox, I’m not gonna! Menopause? Lawd! Go. Away! I dogood for a while then I go from zero to psych in 2.2! Night sweats?? Ugh! Nothing like waking up in the middle of the night wondering if you peed in the bed lol. I swear. Women are cursed. God bless you sweetheart! This ol Kentucky girl misses you! Regards! LaDonna Gill
Yahoo Mail: Search, Organize, Conquer
LikeLiked by 1 person
52 here. I’m happy that you are using your platform to share this! No one talked about these things! My Nana just said she “suffered” during this time. What the Hell? My Mama was a weird one and just stopped having periods at 34. No symptoms at all. So when I started at 41, I knew I was losing my mind. I was misinformed about HRT, I was treated with other medications that were just masking other things. Then the body changes, the confidence leaves, the face sags. I am the opposite of you, I like my men older. So I was so happy his eyesite wasn’t good enough to see my mustache and his libido was slowing down! I now know why so many women went to the looney bin when they were going through “”The Change”. Keep sharing and telling your story Honey. We love you for it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
wow 😎well said my friend .
LikeLiked by 1 person
love you Heather! Then, now, and always! Great article.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your honesty and transparency. Those of us who have been where you are (I am 69 and soon to be 70 in 5 months) have gone through these seasons of life. God is not finished with us yet and each decade of life brings challenges and adventures. When my sons grew up and left home (they are now 42 and 38) I went through an identity crisis of “Who am I now”. Also, when I retired from my career, I had to redefine myself again. Now I am Nana to 3 wonderful grandchildren (16, 12, 9), wife, gardener, volunteer reading mentor with second graders, Tai Chi student, reader, and more. Enjoy the adventure. You are beautiful outside and inside and are loved by many.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This article says all the things I’ve felt and wanted to.say, but just wasn’t able to put it all together, express it, or understand it all. Your breaking it down and connecting the dots helps me to understand better and feel more normal, and together…like, “I get it”. Reading this and realizing that someone else is having all the same feelings, emotions, concerns and changes going on, makes it all seem more typical instead of like your the only mixed up, emotional mess.out there. I’m saving this and will use it as my guide on this wild journey we are embarking on. Thank-you and God bless you in All things!😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
AMEN sister. AMEN!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m feeling all of this and then some. The last six months have been hard. I lost my dad very sudden and unexpectedly at the end of September and then my mom in January. It has made this midlife existence harder. I’m 46 and still needed my parents.
Everything that you wrote is how I have been feeling but didn’t know how to put it to words. Thank you for be open and honest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your authenticity and transparency on life. More people need to be that way. It would make the journey thru this thing called life easier for everyone. Love you cuz!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Something Elese I have learned now… It seems like from here on out, there is a 20-year reset! I remember feeling lost at 40. More unsure of each change I felt I Had to make!
Well, I am now nearly 63… MOST of the people I lived for are gone, Including my only child! That is some Hard to swallow, very bitter tea to drink! But, I made a deal with God that I would do at Least 2 years on this stupid planet without her, He just had to let me keep my Mom for that long…. She made it 2 years And 2 months, before He took her too.
So, it is Still all about New decisions, New changes, NEW Answers, when I have barely answered the first 40 years… So, Keep coming up with new answers, new solutions, new doubts, NEW Questions, because Really…. THAT is our Daily New Reality!!
Still looking for that Charlotte, NC connection, and Still following Your journey, because, it helps me with Mine!! Love, Light and Peace!
LikeLiked by 1 person
girl you are beautiful. Yes at least you have another child at home. When mine was gone so was I. I found my soul mate. I went through this from 40s to 60. Now arthritis. I don’t get to see my gkids. Too much to write. I have to accept it or lose my mind. God is good. I am very blessed. I totally understand losing friends. They were never really friends to begin with and have their own demons.
God is our father and the refuge we need. Love you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved this & feel it in my soul
LikeLiked by 1 person
You summed it up very accurately my dear! It’s a crazy time on top of the Mid! We have survived it for a reason I’m sure! Love your new look and you rock the short hair so well! Go break a leg and live life to the fullest, it’s very short and very fast! Love and prayers always! Kathryn Brock
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m about to celebrate my 70th birthday this week. Your MID is my OLD. I was too busy to acknowledge midlife issues. No time. Wish I knew then what I know now (ain’t that always the case!). Now I embrace my age, with all its skin tags and cataract removals. Things change, now more quickly and drastically. Knowing my time is precious makes me think and act differently. I say I love you easily, hold grudges briefly, thank God regularly. These changes in our lives are inevitable and I thank you for reminding us. Hangeth Thou in there!
LikeLiked by 1 person