Well, here it is – another beautiful, ugly transitional time in my life. Am I being punked? It’s like I pulled up to the drive-thru window of life and ordered a #2 with a side of instability and mind-numbing fear. And super-size it, please. I wanna make sure I’m really good and full on all this upheaval I’m about to consume. Please don’t leave me wanting. Thanks so much. Lucky for me they put in an extra order of uncertainty and anxiety for the win. YES!!! Thanks, Lord.
Fear and anxiety. Don’t you just love when those two come-a-knocking. They always visit together. They’re sweet like that.
But let me just tell you, the Lord is so kind and good. The truth is that lately, I have been experiencing a sweet season. And I mean, finally!! Good grief, Lord! It’s about time! Most of my transitional times consist of me stepping off into a big pile of dog crap. I’m just keeping it real.This season is rainbows and butterflies if I’m comparing.
But then there it is. That thing that holds me hostage. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the forward movement and the things I can’t control.
Isn’t it funny how the Lord can lay the most beautiful thing in front of us, but we just don’t know how to embrace it. Maybe it’s just me…
I’m finding that, sadly, I don’t always know how to enjoy life, even in the sweet spot.
Enjoy life… ? What is that, even?
Is that allowed?
How do I do that? Can I love life and be a single mom?
Can I relax?
Can I let go of the control?
Can I just…gulp…be?
I can’t, God. I don’t know how. I need to be needed and I need to hold the reins and have the answers. I must be a co-dependent and a martyr. Yes, that’s it! I am a martyr. I am forever a martyr and a victim of circumstance and I have to be forever responsible for everyone and everything and all of life, and I cannot take a break from being all the things to all the people. I cannot enjoy life. Count me out.
I’m exhausted just typing that.
But it’s how I’ve lived for as long as I can remember. And it’s too much for one person to carry.
Here’s what I’m learning in this season of life. I don’t know how to give myself permission to mentally unwind and drop the guard and the fear. Sometimes ! just don’t know how to let Jesus lighten my load. I don’t know how to relax. I don’t know how to just be.
There. I said it.
I carry the junk from the old season straight on into the new.
I carry that backpack full of weight and co-dependency and control and anxiety. And why? It’s not even required!!
And now that I can see the wide-open space to drop that sucker and run free I stand by the fence and hold it tight like it’s the last donut hole I’ll ever get to eat. (Also, why am I constantly comparing everything to food? So disturbing.)
I watch everybody else enjoy life and I stand to the side because I feel undeserving or I feel the responsibility of the thing – whatever it is. I crawl up on that cross day after day and crucify myself and try to do a job that’s already been done.
See, I’m not a victim and I’m not a martyr, but I sure do act like one. I get up on that cross and sacrifice everything I’ve got because it’s what I’ve always done. I act like everything will fall apart if I don’t have all the answers. And when that self-inflicted weight gets too heavy to carry I fall apart.
I forget how to enjoy life. I forget to see the beauty that’s right in front of my face sometimes. I forget that I don’t have to have all the answers and all the control. It’s ok to say, “You know what, I don’t know what’s coming next, but God does. And that enough.”
I see transition, but he sees promise.
I see fear of the unknown. He sees fun and excitement.
I see difficulty. He sees another opportunity to show me His faithfulness.
Sometimes we have to just drop the backpack and run the field.
I’m learning.
Stop.
Enjoy life.
Go play.
If we don’t, we might be missing the greatest game ever.
I don’t wanna miss the fun, y’all.
I wanna walk in the joy and the goodness and run in the freedom that comes with trusting God.
We belong to Jesus. We don’t have all the answers but He does.
So drop your backpack, finish your donut hole and go enjoy life.
Relax.
Trust.
And for goodness’ sake, get down off that cross.
Somebody needs the wood.
HEATHER LAND 
I get it! I do! Somehow the busier we are and the more we stress/worry, the more normal we are, because that is what society has sold us. Guess what? It’s not true. Repeat after me – it’s not true. Taking some time to relax and just enjoy that moment will do wonders for you mentally and physically. Additionally, it will make you more effective in dealing with all of the things on your plate. Relaxing is different for everyone. Find what soothes your mind and soul and go with it. It is not selfish to take time for you. As a matter of fact, it is necessary. You have permission!! 😉
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You are never alone when you have God with you. Sometimes, one needs to STOP and sit & talk with God. Even though He already knows what is troubling me – sometimes I don’t until I talk out loud to Him.
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Amen. Let yourself have fun. Even thru all the stuff, life is about living, not existing. Let God lead you and you will be forever grateful to let go of all that baggage.
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Thank you.. just thank you 😊
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Thank you for this. I’m serious…thank you. My soul needed this reminder.
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Heather- I stumbled across your blog through your “I ain’t doing it” videos. Thank you so much for your inspiring words, speaking your truth, and reminding us of God’s grace. You see- I needed to hear your message today of all days. Today- is the anniversary of the day that my sweet brother’s soul left this earth. There is so much to the story- too much to type here. But let’s just say that the burden I’ve carried for the past 6 years has nearly suffocated me. I too, climbed on that cross for so long. Your words, well, they felt as if they were coming straight out of my head to your page. Thank you. Thank you for your humor, your insight but most of all, for reminding us all that we are not alone in this journey. May God give you peace in this season…Much love to you sister…
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This.right.here. Yes. This is how I feel. You put it into words so clear I feel like you’re speaking directly to me. Thank you. I need this today.
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Got me grinning ear to ear. Thanks for sharing. MA
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How did you get in my shoes? Sounds just like something i would write but that you do so much better than i ever could. Love your videos so get out the camera and have some fun while you make the rest of us laugh, that’s worth more than you know. You are special loved by many but especially by God. He is there ahead of us all, seeing that big picture. Praying for you, Vickie
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Love this and I can so relate. I love how you keep it real. Thank you for your humor in life’s difficulties.
Tammy – Valley, AL
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I lived my entire life where you are. There is only ONE place in the Bible that God says we should fear. “Fear that you do not enter into His rest” … not enter into Heaven, but enter into His rest … here on this plant.
Five years ago, I learned that I can and SHOULD expect only good things every single day of my life, not because of me, but because of the finished work of the cross. I now HONOR Jesus by taking full advantage of his sacrifice by TAKING everything He bought and paid for me to have. He has given me PERMISSION to rest and expect and receive. And so now that’s what I strive for. REST as He fights my battles and and His absolute best for my future. Because if He didn’t want to give it to me, then why did He die to give it to me. I have had to repent for limiting God and not honoring Him by receiving everything He has for me. And that is true freedom. Love you GF!
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Amen!!! So beautifully written and hits so close to home! THANK YOU!!
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Love you, girl. Thanks for voicing the sentiments of many. Praying your spirit will always beam and your heart will be light.
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Love this!
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Spot on, and so timely today. Thank you for helping me laugh as I see myself so busy crawling up and down that I don’t see what’s real and right in front of me. I needed this today- more than a donut hole!
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I needed to read this and I’m sharing it with a few people I know that need to see it too. So thank you for sharing the scary, embarrassing, debilitating truth.
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Mmmmm…that’s good. Friend of mine once told me that I don’t know how to live in the moment. Always trying to drag the future into the now so I can plan every ‘unforgiving minute’ of it, anticipate every tragedy I’m sure is ahead, and beat it all into submission to my plan. I’m so with you, sister. Praying we both experience a little freedom…
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I,too, am in a transition of season. You had me at “give yourself permission to enjoy life”. Thank you for putting it into words. Thank you for the humor as well. Enjoy your new season.
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Thank you Heather for that. I needing to read and apply this in my life at times. No one said life would be easy but taking one day at a time and enjoying it is the only wait to live.
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You have been such a miracle in my life, my husband was sick with legionares pneumonia and in a coma and things looked bad my family and friends were praying and my daughter sent me one of your Aint doing videos and it made me laugh till I cried laughing, Thank you, my husband recovered after 34 days in ICU and I survived because of you. God bless you.
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This is EXACTLY me.. omogsh.. thanks for the great read, inspirations and Letting Go and Let God… 🙂 Made me smile… and not feel alone! Cam
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This hit so close to home for me. Thank you for helping me understand.
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You are not alone in your struggle dear cyber friend… in this season of Thanksgiving, thank you for sharing your thoughts, your feelings, and your humor that brings such joy and perspective !
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I love this! it is so true in everything I do myself.
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Heather, It is truly a pleasure to read your blogs and watch your video clips. You are not alone in the world; we all suffer from some type of adversity. I believe that faith in our Lord will get us through any storm (even thou it doesn’t always feel that way). Trusting in him will show us the way (it might not be here and now but as long as we trust He will show us the way). Isaiah 41:10
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Thank you for your words.
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Thank you for speaking for so many of us who could not put it into words. Thank you for letting others know they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings. Thank you for the reminder of who is really in control and it is not us! And last, but certainly not least thank you for adding your own special touch of humor. For we all need that as well.
Thank you
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I LOVE this!! Keep on keeping on. During the time I was a single mom with two kids, living in a town up north where it snows half the year, no home church, family, or friends, and going through menopause and men…. which meant gaining weight and being depressed ….. I wrote on my bathroom mirror….”KEEP GOING”. For the mornings I woke up completely regretting the choices of the day before, whether that was what I ate, how little I prayed, or who I spent my time with…. try again…. keep going!
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Love it. I think a lot of times people forget the freedom that comes with the grace of God. It’s not just trusting in the freedom of Christ, and knowing all the good He wants for us. It’s knowing that there is grace every time we forget and pick that cross back up and try to haul it around again. It’s knowing there is grace when we make mistakes. It’s knowing that no matter how many times I mess up (oh, daily. Multiple times daily) that my sins are still covered by Christ’s work on the cross. And then having the freedom to live out of THAT. To go live a beautiful, glorious, messy life, knowing that when I do fall short, that it only magnifies even more the glory of my God. Because when I am weak, He is strong.
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You are SO wise beyond your years! I’m 62 and have just started to learn how to relax and let God carry me. BUT I do still take my fear and anxiety back constantly. It’s like a tug of war with Him lots of times. You are on the right track and bring joy to SO many with your videos. Thank you!!! I watched a video today you might enjoy. You tube Michael W. Smith’s song, “I will carry you.” I think you’ll like it! Love you
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You hit the nail square on the head…you said “I forget how to enjoy life. I forget to see the beauty that’s right in front of my face sometimes. I forget that I don’t have to have all the answers and all the control. It’s ok to say, “You know what, I don’t know what’s coming next, but God does. And that enough.” An older gentleman once told me in just a few words, “Trust in God in all Things” I myself am finding out how true this is and how much we all need to remember and do this in the good and the bad times. He’s got this, we need to just let go of the baggage of the past, the reins of fear and and just enjoy the beautiful ride that comes with knowing and loving him, walking with grace, living with peace and joy. May God continue to bless you, thanks so much Heather. Steven
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I would drop my ‘backpack’ and run into the field with you, but it takes me all morning to pack it each day. I don’t want to forget anything!
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Love this gal! I too suffer with anxiety but counseling and some really good meds, and donut holes, are helping me. God bless you and keep on blessing all of us with your talents.
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That was an amazing! Thank you! Thank you Jesus, that I took the time to open it up and read it. I needed everything you just said, he has a way of using people, today he used you for me. I carry that baggage all the time, he said, I dont have to! He laidit down already. You have a wonderful day, God Bless!
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Thank you so much. I needed this today more than even I could imagine. I find myself hanging on that cross alot. I want to fix everything and everyone. I want to have the answers for everything and everyone. Oh why am I explaining to you obviously you already know. Thank you and have a blessed day.
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Amen and Amen! You are awesome
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Thank YOU for sharing what I feel and couldn’t put into words! 🙂 I enjoy you so much. You make me laugh… I am a believer in Jesus and know I need to turn all over to him and not worry or feel sorry for myself and have also experienced anxiety and then feel guilty because I am not joyful!!! Also I am a bit OCD and feel need to be in “control” and be all to everyone. Thanks for making me realize others feel the same. Lord bless you!!♥
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Amen! Get down off that cross! God is in control and I pray that He will give you the peace you need to enjoy the beautiful life He has given to you! Aaand, thanks for all the guffaws and hilarity that you send to US! You make our days lighter with the laughter! Too many exclamation points? Sorry!! 😉
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Sometimes your words pierce my soul and I cry tears of joy. Then I laugh and cry at the same time.
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So good!!!
Just read about this this morning.
2 Timothy 1:6-7
Stir up the gift God has given you…for God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind!
Thank you for using your gifts and not backing down to fear. Your words are freeing yourself and others:)
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You are my inspiration. I get up each day eager to see what you have said that day. Do not ever doubt that you have a purpose in life.
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Well, you sure know how to make people laugh, and that’s saying something! Stay strong!
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Someone shared Heather with me…I ain’t doing it Crossfit….yes, I’m one of those going out in my Danskin shorts….and then I found her blog. The best thing I’ve every discovered. So much truth in these written words. I like to read them out loud…that way I don’t miss the message!
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Dear God woman you pulled the words right out of my head and gut (that seems to be where I hold all my angst😳). You are not alone and apparently neither am I since you entered to room this morning! Lol the journey is one big mud hole after another then pants full of heavy mud… dang it ! Lol But heaven help me when the beautiful sun shines down on me and dries everything down to my soul! Sister with you on the journey!
Alice
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Dang, girl. Just dang. You said all the things. And I’m just over here waving my hanky in the air and hollering, “Yes, Lord Jesus! Just what she said!” There are a whole lot of women just where we are.
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Youve got to be kidding me although I know you’re not/what you’re saying is my life story: I can never be the bright bubbly person you seem to be. My anxiety tugs at me all different times of the day & night: worry & fear keep me from really enjoying life, I do believe & Know God is bigger than fear or anxiety but wow you can relate: God Bless You Always Heather Land God Has Plans for all of us!! Your Friend in Alabama, Donna Thornhill Sheehan
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I could have written this myself!!!!! I am always anxious about everything and everybody! I hide away from people and cannot tell you how long it has been since I truly enjoyed myself.
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Wow that could have been written by me but you said it so much better. I get so caught up trying to solve, fix, be there that there’s no “me” anymore. I keep turning it over to God but taking it back. What an Indian giver, right? Your words really touched me. Thank you. I needed it today.
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Heather, I’m there…have been for many years and it’s funny that I just read this post. I made a decision just this past weekend to come off my cross and focus on me. You said it, someone else needs that wood for a good crackling fire.
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We all struggle, Heather you are in my prayers, it is so hard to just let go and jump. God has a mighty hand to hold and I am so thankful that He does. Your videos always make me smile, thank you and God bless you
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Thank you dear lady for all you give to all of us
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y is Merl Kec k , p..lease forgive my grammar. I’m 58 and divorced with two young girls. I feel your pain. Lol. Life is very good for me right now also, but its taken 5 yr. I know I’m smart, but I look at you and know you are much more funny than I am..I’ve learned living life here as a Christian is like living in a airport. Just breath and know there are men out there that don’t want anything from you but to see you smile..I hope you don’t need Captain Crunch to understand this.
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THANK YOU!!!!SERIOUSLY THANK YOU!! I needed to read this very much describes me..
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You are such a good writer!! And, dang, you are so funny!! So glad life is going in the right direction for you now!!
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THIS! What a blessing for me today, feeling the exact same way Thinking EVERYONE has everything figured out but me, I remembered to feel blessed to walk up the steps to our apartment. You’re brain and humor are truly brilliant. Thank you. 😍😘
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