Well, here it is – another beautiful, ugly transitional time in my life. Am I being punked? It’s like I pulled up to the drive-thru window of life and ordered a #2 with a side of instability and mind-numbing fear. And super-size it, please. I wanna make sure I’m really good and full on all this upheaval I’m about to consume. Please don’t leave me wanting. Thanks so much. Lucky for me they put in an extra order of uncertainty and anxiety for the win. YES!!! Thanks, Lord.
Fear and anxiety. Don’t you just love when those two come-a-knocking. They always visit together. They’re sweet like that.
But let me just tell you, the Lord is so kind and good. The truth is that lately, I have been experiencing a sweet season. And I mean, finally!! Good grief, Lord! It’s about time! Most of my transitional times consist of me stepping off into a big pile of dog crap. I’m just keeping it real.This season is rainbows and butterflies if I’m comparing.
But then there it is. That thing that holds me hostage. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the forward movement and the things I can’t control.
Isn’t it funny how the Lord can lay the most beautiful thing in front of us, but we just don’t know how to embrace it. Maybe it’s just me…
I’m finding that, sadly, I don’t always know how to enjoy life, even in the sweet spot.
Enjoy life… ? What is that, even?
Is that allowed?
How do I do that? Can I love life and be a single mom?
Can I relax?
Can I let go of the control?
Can I just…gulp…be?
I can’t, God. I don’t know how. I need to be needed and I need to hold the reins and have the answers. I must be a co-dependent and a martyr. Yes, that’s it! I am a martyr. I am forever a martyr and a victim of circumstance and I have to be forever responsible for everyone and everything and all of life, and I cannot take a break from being all the things to all the people. I cannot enjoy life. Count me out.
I’m exhausted just typing that.
But it’s how I’ve lived for as long as I can remember. And it’s too much for one person to carry.
Here’s what I’m learning in this season of life. I don’t know how to give myself permission to mentally unwind and drop the guard and the fear. Sometimes ! just don’t know how to let Jesus lighten my load. I don’t know how to relax. I don’t know how to just be.
There. I said it.
I carry the junk from the old season straight on into the new.
I carry that backpack full of weight and co-dependency and control and anxiety. And why? It’s not even required!!
And now that I can see the wide-open space to drop that sucker and run free I stand by the fence and hold it tight like it’s the last donut hole I’ll ever get to eat. (Also, why am I constantly comparing everything to food? So disturbing.)
I watch everybody else enjoy life and I stand to the side because I feel undeserving or I feel the responsibility of the thing – whatever it is. I crawl up on that cross day after day and crucify myself and try to do a job that’s already been done.
See, I’m not a victim and I’m not a martyr, but I sure do act like one. I get up on that cross and sacrifice everything I’ve got because it’s what I’ve always done. I act like everything will fall apart if I don’t have all the answers. And when that self-inflicted weight gets too heavy to carry I fall apart.
I forget how to enjoy life. I forget to see the beauty that’s right in front of my face sometimes. I forget that I don’t have to have all the answers and all the control. It’s ok to say, “You know what, I don’t know what’s coming next, but God does. And that enough.”
I see transition, but he sees promise.
I see fear of the unknown. He sees fun and excitement.
I see difficulty. He sees another opportunity to show me His faithfulness.
Sometimes we have to just drop the backpack and run the field.
I’m learning.
Stop.
Enjoy life.
Go play.
If we don’t, we might be missing the greatest game ever.
I don’t wanna miss the fun, y’all.
I wanna walk in the joy and the goodness and run in the freedom that comes with trusting God.
We belong to Jesus. We don’t have all the answers but He does.
So drop your backpack, finish your donut hole and go enjoy life.
Relax.
Trust.
And for goodness’ sake, get down off that cross.
Somebody needs the wood.
HEATHER LAND 
Heather,
You came into my life with your comedy and wisdom just when I needed it. I can’t thank you enough for your posts and videos.
Jennifer Humphrey
Lincoln Nebraska
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I am so thankful i read this article. Its exactly how im feeling. Thank you!
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THIS. IS. ME! I’m so tired and weary! Please, Jesus, take the load!
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I read this and oh my goodness this is so me. How did she know that?? How did she know I need to read and read again?? Thank heaven for your blog and insight of inspiration!!! AHS
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I read this and oh my goodness this is so me. How did she know that?? How did she know I need to read and read again?? Thank heaven for your blog and insight of inspiration!!! AHS
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It’s nice to know that somebody else feels the same way I do! This post gave me a lot to think about. I will try to see the beauty of this day and leave my fear and anxiety behind. Good things to remember. Thanks girl!!!
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Oh I pray you can enjoy all that God has for you Heather! Like the Disney princess once said “Let it go”!!
I have survived 3 cancers and I have had to learn to trust my Father’s hand. I am in process of writing my story “It’s a Meaningful Life.” You get cancer, have a baby, go through car line, laugh uncontrollably at a video called “I ain’t doing it” about school fundraisers, go to church, buy groceries, have cancer, do the laundry, have another baby, pay the bills…..and so on.
We all go through stuff. It’s not easy. But we are not alone. God loves our children even more than we do. He is a big dreamer and He has fun when we enjoy His blessings. One day there will be no more fear, no more anxiety. This is not the end of our stories. I pray you can let go today and enjoy His blessings. You’ve made our days with your humor and your amazing way with words.
Fear, anxiety, martyrdom – she ain’t doing it!
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Simply just thank you so much for this!
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I know that God has put you in my life, and I think you might be the only good thing I’ve ever gotten from being on social media!! Thanks so much!!
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Thank you struggling!
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Uh….wow. Me too!
(I could write more – heck, I coulda written this but, who has time for that?)
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I love this. It surely hit home. I enjoy listening to you and reading your blog. It helps me to see I’m not alone in this big scary world. 😉
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So good Heather..by the grace of God I’m not there now but man that was my address for years! Thanks for bein’ real sister and seriously on the donut hole 😂 My favorite!
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I love this. You touch my heart. Thank you ❤️
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Thank you so much!! I needed to hear this!! You approach issues with humor and wonderful insight stuck in there. I have been where it sounds like you’re headed. It’s scary, watch out for traps the devil has put there. Keep your eyes on the Lord and He will direct your path. I will be praying for you!! 😍
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Heather, As my mother would tell me growing up when something wasn’t right in my life, “you don’t have cancer” or, ” you’re not living in a concentration camp” or “what the worse that could happen”…or some derivative of one of these phrases, face your fear and it will disappear!
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I just want you to know that I have similar issues. You aren’t alone in your struggles. I know other women who relate to this stuff. I understand exactly what you expressed. Oh so ya know, I am a woman (my name confuses people at times ) 😂 I’m 62 with three grown children and a wonderful hubby. Much more to say but will leave it simple
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I love your down home heart. I love that you share your fears because I think most of us have them.
Thanks for allowing me to feel less alone as I journey forward.
Robin
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You, dear soul in femal form, are all up in my kool-aid and it’s exact flavors…every mixed-in one of ‘em! THANK YOU…for be courageous enough to be honest, tell the truth and let those of us who are thinking and living our lives in so many similar ways stop feeling and thinking we’re alone, different, weird even.
Personally, So often, it feels like we’re the Lone Ranger in life because we don’t hear honesty and truth written so clearly and shared so widely in the social media platform. Far more often social media is used to create a facade of who people wish they were…a “brand” if you will, and its turned into one kardashian “type” tryin to keep up with another…all levels of fake characatures taking over our chosen NEWS feeds. I’m hanging on to each of your videos and posts because God is using your “yes” to His leading to speak wisdom and truth, so i’ll Cheer you on sister-friend…keep on keepin’ on!
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Oh my gosh! Are you reading my mind or spying on me??!! I cannot enjoy anything anymore because of all the fear and anxiety. And I do seem to love to play the martyr card. Jeeze. Thanks for letting me see I’m not the only one. You’re a bright spot in this world.
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ME.
This???
Me.
Love, love, LOVE Every. Single. Word. Deep thoughts in such a fun playful way. And so-so relatable to many!!!
You so rock!! We just love you!!
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That is very well put! Just what I needed to read! I think this stands true for most of us, especially moms. Thank you! Be blessed and keep those videos comjng! Such a comic relief that’s so needed in my day!
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You nailed this one on the head!!!
Very true and moving words, very well said
One of your followers
Carie Williams
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Miss Heather, you just gave me exactly what I needed to hear. I pray so hard for help and there you are speaking the Lords words to me. He knows who I would listen to and so his message got through. Gonna be hard but the fire pit does need the wood and at 68 I’m so tired of hanging on that dang cross. With tears in my eyes I thank you for being wonderful you. Biggest hugs and love to you from one old cross hanger to another. xoxo
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You just described me perfectly !!! If you figure out how to do it PLEASE share !!!!
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I have LOVED your little facebook posts – but I never ventured to read your blog – or ANYONE’s blog for that matter….but today, today I did and for as much as I have cried laughing at your videos, I have cried tears with this, real tears, it is as if you put into words what I have been swimming and drowning in these past few months! Thank you so much for your openess, you candor and ability to put into words what so many of us can only feel. Thank you!!!! Sniff, blow nose, wipe eyes, time to get a laugh from a video!!
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Heather, you are many years younger than this old martyr, but you sure did hit the nail on the head with this one. I’ve been carrying that damn backpack all of my life. I think I’ve put it down, but dang if it isn’t there the next time I look! Thank you for your words of wisdom. Needed them today
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OH WOW!!! How I needed to hear this today.
It was as if I wrote this article myself. Everything you said fit my life to a tee.
Thank you so much for your wisdom to write this. I think it will help me tremendously . God bless you (and me) as we strive to lay the backpack down and fully trust our creator……😍
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thank you for coming to facebook ! You are such an amazing woman and so darn funny ! You hit things right on the head and make people laugh ! We need to laugh,
Lord knows !l
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And that, too, was my story! But I was bubbly too! I had to make sure everyone else was happy! The single parent and truly the martyr! I did finally let God take over. It took years, but I finally got it!😉
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I cannot tell you Heather what joy you have given this girl! I have laughed so hard at the ” I ain’t doin it ” blogs, and your writings I can so identify with!..when we get to heaven, I will be looking you up, cause I so want to hug your neck and tell you thank you!
Just another sister in Christ!
Jan Linton
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Thanks Heather. That was so good . What I feel like right now. Fear can really hold us back. Not a good feeling. Thanks for being real. Have a blessed day!😇😇
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I feel like you read my mind Heather. Thank you for putting my feels into words. Most of all, thank you for putting it into perspective.
God Bless you.
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You are SO awesome!!! I LOVE reading your blog, I love and admire your faith in our awesome God, and I love your sense of humour! Keep it up! God bless you in ALL your endeavours!!
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You just totally described my life…are you watching me?…lol. I am learning daily as I watch things…people…leave. I have been a single mom for SO long that I don’t even think about myself anymore! I have just accepted the fact that I will Be by myself for the rest of my life! I ain’t doin’ it!!!
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You are not a martyr but a human with a soul, a heart and a conscience. You are a woman and a mother. You deserve a sweet season. Take it by the reigns and hang on! That’s exactly what I️ am doing at this point in my life. I️ am happy and I️ deserve it! So do you sister! Thanks, always, for keeping it real. I’m this instance… I️AM DOING IT!
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Amen to all of that! I raised four sons without their dad, without child support, determined to work 2 jobs to stay off welfare. well, la-te-dah! (as my mother used to say) where’s my trophy for all that? LOL I had to get exhausted before I learned to let Jesus take control. Being a single mom is tiring, but the rewards will be all yours girl! without the trophy!
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Very good reading Heather. Your videos make me laugh. It is wild. I appreciate your funny videos. I am glad u are successful and wish continued success for you. God bless you and your family. Keep me laughing. Debra Broadwater, Keyser,WV. 26726
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Heather, you got it girl. You’re like my twin times all the other women. Thanks for the words and go enjoy your day, hell, the whole week!!!
Love ya girl!
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How did you know all that about me?? It is a relief to know i am not alone though i don’t wish it on anyone. Thank you for sharing your true & real self!
We need to talk soon! 😂😂
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Heather Land, you complete me! Good mercies, I love reading your blog and seeing your videos. You are helping laugh at life.
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Wow! You’re words and videos inspire me everyday rather I am laughing or crying with you♡♡ I am feeling blessed one day and can’t even leave home the next but everyday I am striving to heal myself and your page helps me more than you probably even realize Heather♡♡ I think you are wonderful, today I am definitely not doing it! Much love and prayers from West Texas😍😍
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You put my life into words!!! I’m sad that it’s me. But it is. I’m trying to let go. I also struggle. Thank you for the encouragement!
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Reblogged this on Living A Jesus Filled Day and commented:
Couldn’t have said this better myself! LOVED IT!
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Thank you for your “stop and think” moments. Sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else.
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Well spoken and exactly how I am. I can’t enjoy for worrying and stressing, we need to let Jesus take the wheel. But your I ain’t doing it videos are a blessing and truly make my day no matter how bad. God gave you a gift to help people and cheer people up so embrace it and don’t worry be happy when you can.
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Everything you said ….. Me. God is in control , i know it in my head and in my heart but the fears and axiety hang on . Love your posts though !
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Heather, since I started watching your posts, I look forward to the next each day! It seems you tell my story in this one. Many trials come upon us in life, like seasons, to make us STRONG and prepare us for the next…. if not for the trials, we could not know to appreciate the many blessings that we tend to easily overlook consistently. I’m beginning to believe that human nature is to focus on the worst rather than to accept the blessings that are intended for us. We ALL want the EASY way…. there’s no easy way. We each have a light within us, and we choose how brightly we want to shine! You, my friend, are shining and spreading your beautiful light within and touching many lives in need of light in a world of sad darkness!!! You have chosen to use lifes trials as STEPPING STONES instead of STUMBLING ROCKS! You are showing others that it is possible and your example IS changing lives! You rock on Heather Land! Keep shining that light of joy and love!!! Sometimes, God is waiting until He feels you are ready, I think He has been waiting and His blessings are ready for you now! God bless you and your family!!! Keep on keeping on sweet pea!!!
Tonya Palmer
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I live this life of perpetual anxiety and turn it over to Him constantly. One of these days, I will truly let go and begin to live the life of freedom that He has planned for me. I know that by continually laying it all down, eventually I will get tired of picking it all back up.
I love you, Heather Land! I love you and your two beautiful children that are growing so fast. I’d tell you to hug on them for me but they were so young when y’all left us here in Podunkyville.
❤️ -Sheila
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I could have written those exact words many years ago; although I think you did a better job! I was a single mom. It took me awhile but I did learn to put the back pack down. Thank you for your humor & insight!
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So very true… I’m taking your advice… enjoying life and getting off that cross. What a wonder Word today!
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